Red Flags To Avoid in Pagan Groups

There are many Pagan groups out there, but not all of them are going to be a good fit for you. The same thing goes for meeting Pagan friends in real life after finding them online. Here is a list of some red flags to look for when meeting a person or group for the first time.

• Their comfort with nudity is different than yours. Some groups prefer to practice skyclad. Others prefer not to. It's not that there's one right or wrong answer to this, just make sure that your nudity preferences align with theirs.

• They have requirements you can't fulfill. Some groups have attendance requirements. Others require regular payment, whether for ritual supplies or to pay for the use of a location. There are groups that have age and/or gender requirements as well. Some groups look for experienced people while others are happy to train newbies. Whatever their requirements are, don't join a group when you can't fulfill them.

• They do not agree with your values. Groups do not have to agree about every little thing, but if the group disagrees with everything you believe in, they're not going to be a good fit. Some examples include LGBTQ+ inclusion, mask wearing when sick, whether or not they're family friendly. Norse Pagans tend to experience this more often with white supremacy groups that masquerade as Norse Pagan.

• They do not respect the wishes of their members. Quite some time ago, I was in search of a group. I met one person from the group at a cafe and we seemed to get along well enough. Some days later, there was a meet and greet with the group and possible new members. I overheard someone showing a photo album with the following explanation: "She was so nervous being skyclad, she didn't want me to take this picture of her." Not only did the person take a picture of the skyclad person, but she was showing the picture to perfect strangers. I never went back.

• Members that constantly bring drama to the group. It's understandable that everyone has struggles at times, but when there's someone that always brings drama, it can really bring down the energy of the group.

• Gossips and backstabbers. While this should go without saying, gossips and backstabbers don't make for great friends.

• Leaders that insist on blind obedience. When groups imply that asking questions are discouraged and expect everyone to do what they're told, run.

• Serial dating. If there are group members or group leaders that constantly use the group as a dating pool, it's going to result in a lot of unnecessary drama and is unlikely to end well.

• Unrealistic promises. I once attended a "class" where the "teacher" spent the entire time bragging about the people who he killed with magic and the number of women he "bedded". I was stunned after the class that there were actually people asking him to teach them how to do those things.

• Differing ideas of ritual secks. While fewer and fewer groups participate in ritual secks these days, it is still a practice. Make sure you know what your comfort level is and what you're walking into. There are also groups that participate in ritual gay secks, so be aware that it's out there.

• Group splitting drama. I have seen several group splits. Some have gone smoothly, others badly. There are often many sides to the story. It's difficult to ascertain who is in the "right". It's likely that both groups had a different idea of what was right. However, if you notice that one side of the split is in constant negativity, complaining incessantly about the other group, it's likely that they're not the group you want to join.